Ben Hardwick

REMEMBERING! WEEBEN HARDWICK

LITTLE BEN HARDWICK TOUCHED THE WHOLE NASTION'S HEART'S WHEN HIS FAMILY APPEALED ON TV FOR A NEW LIVER TO SAVE BEN'LIFE.

IAM DEDICATEING THIS TRIBUTE TO WEEBEN HARDWICK
WHO BECAME OUR WEEFRIEND AFTER HEARING OF HIS PLIGHT ON ESTHA RANZEN'S SHOW'


A donor was found and he became the first child in Britain
to receive the organ transplant.

But just over a year later, his body rejected the new liver. Last Saturday was the 17th anniversary of his death.

Ben’s mother Debbie has not spoken in public for 15 years about how she has coped since Ben died.

But now she recalls how she picked up the phone in 1984 to ring Esther Rantzen’s consumer show That’s Life ? and uttered a few heartfelt words.

When the director answered, she said: “My name is Debbie Hardwick. I have a two-year-old son called Ben, who is normal in every way ? except that next month he will be dead.”

The words did not just fall from her lips. Debbie, from Walton-on-Thames, Surrey, had already scripted and rehearsed them. Her son Ben was born in Kingston Hospital, Surrey, on December 6, 1981, with the rare incurable liver condition biliary atresia.

Debbie, now 40, says: “I knew if I rang up as a sobbing, distraught mother, they would never help me. So I planned what I was going to say and how to say it for maximum effect.”

Her scheme worked. Debbie, who had been advised to “mobilise public opinion” by Professor Sir Roy Calne at Addenbrooke’s hospital in Cambridge, found herself and Ben on the cover of every national newspaper. And when they appeared on That’s Life the viewing figures toppled Coronation Street for the first time, with around 18 million tuning in.

Debbie says: “I was overwhelmed by the reaction from the public. Money came pouring in to the BBC.

“We had planned to use some of it to travel to America where transplants had a higher rate of success.

“We knew that we would probably have to go to the States to find a liver for Ben as British doctors were loathe to ask parents to donate organs back then and Ben needed the liver of somebody who was eight or younger.”

But, amazingly, a mother who watched Debbie’s appeal on That’s Life decided to donate her son’s liver to Ben. It was the answer to her and husband Billy Hardwick’s prayers ? but behind the cameras, their marriage was crumbling.

Debbie says: “I don’t want to go into it in detail but he was not a nice person. I was very young and naive when I met him and I made a mistake.

“He just wasn’t there for me when Ben was ill. He left me alone when all I wanted was for him to be a husband to me.

“He was a cruel man and we separated the year before Ben’s death.

“But I wiped him out of my life a long time ago ? we divorced in 1986. And even though he was a monster at times he did give me Ben and I wouldn’t have swopped that for the world.”

Sadly Ben, who had fought so bravely, needed another liver transplant.

He never regained consciousness after the operation and he died on March 23, 1985.



Fighting for life ... laughing nurses cheer on brave tot Ben as he
struggles to survive his pioneering transplant in hospital

Debbie recalls the day of that operation, adding: “When I laid him down in the theatre he said, Mummy, Mummy, lap, lap’.

“So I picked him up and put him on my lap. I held him and I said, Mummy see you later when you wake up’ ? but he never did.

“When Ben died, I couldn’t see past the horror of life without him. I wanted the world to stop, for time to stop.

“It felt so wrong that life should go on without him in it. I hated the way the days kept passing and the seasons kept changing as if nothing had happened.

“Because for me everything had changed. My life had no meaning without him. And I truly believed that I would never, ever, have another child or learn to love another man again.

“But as much as you might not want it to, life does go on.

“That doesn’t mean I’ve moved on from Ben. He’s always with me. He’s always in my heart. I talk to him and the house is full of his photographs. And when people ask me how many children I have, I say three.”

Debbie, who describes herself as an “emotional wreck” after losing Ben, turned to her ever-supportive parents in her grief.

She says: “What I experienced was unimaginable grief. And with each day that passed the pain seemed to get worse.”

After Ben’s death, dad Billy hit the headlines for the wrong reasons. He raced his wife to the hospital in an attempt to claim the death certificate and dictate funeral arrangements ? and he even threatened to kill Debbie.

He was given a year’s conditional discharge in 1986 after pleading guilty to the incident.

With the encouragement of her family and friends, Debbie returned to work.

She says: “It took me a long time to accept that no matter how much I wanted the world to stop turning it wasn’t going to.

“So I began to look for work. But when I had learned how to be a secretary it was with old fashioned typewriters ? by then everyone was using computers and I didn’t have a clue.

“But amazingly a lovely couple called Mike and Mandy got in touch through the BBC and offered me a job as an admin assistant at their small TV studio.”

Deep down, Debbie longed for the man her first husband had never been ? a partner who made her feel, safe and secure. A soulmate she could trust.

But she was convinced her heart was so wounded it would never be able to let another man in.

Debbie says: “The emptiness I felt was terrible. I felt like a hollow shell that was going to crack and turn to dust at any moment.

“But then I met someone who made me feel complete. He didn’t fill the hole that losing Ben had made, but then I don’t ever want anyone to fill that gap.”

Debbie was not looking for love but in January 1987 it found her.

While in a friend’s shop in Walton-on-Thames, Surrey, a man she had spotted just the day before in her doctor’s surgery walked in. They got chatting.

Debbie says: “He was lovely but when I heard his name I almost cried. It was Ben.”

The couple agreed to go out to dinner and on January 10 they met at a local restaurant.

Debbie says: “I couldn’t bring myself to call him Ben, it hurt too much.

“But he knew all about Ben and was so understanding. As the hours ticked by, I suddenly realised the emptiness was gone.

“That night we went back to his house and it snowed. It snowed so much we couldn’t get out. And the truth is I never went home, we fell in love that night and we have never been apart since.”

Debbie was still extremely fragile when she met Ben Glyn, a property developer. But he was everything she needed and just months into their relationship she discovered she was pregnant.

Debbie says: “It wasn’t planned and I was terrified. I’d only had Ben for three short years and I’d spent most of that time with him in hospitals.

“So all of the other children I’d met had been ill, too. Of course, I knew that not all children became sick but I knew a lot did and the thought of giving birth to a another sick child was terrifying.

“I was also slightly worried about whether Ben would want to be tied down. He had a marriage behind him like me and two sons.

“I shouldn’t have worried ? he was wonderful. The minute I saw his reaction I let go of my fears.”

Debbie did not discover the baby’s sex until he was born in November 1987.



New happiness ... Debbie with Ben and their
children Luke, 14, and Lauren, eight

She says: “Ben was with me holding my hand and when they told me it was a boy, I broke down.

“For the longest time I thought the only son I would hold in my arms would be Ben in my dreams. It was a wonderful, hopeful day.”

Debbie and Ben, now 62, named their son Luke and they married in Hawaii in 1991. Two years later Debbie became a mother again to daughter Lauren. Three years ago they left England for good and moved to Marbella in Spain.

Debbie says: “I am a very protective mum. I wrap my kids in cotton wool ? I can’t help it!

“They’re always moaning at me saying ?Mummy, don’t be scared’, when they want to ride their bikes without helmets and knee pads.

“But I suppose the truth is that as happy, secure and safe as I am in my marriage and family I am scared. It’s not something I obsess over but my children’s safety is a priority ? as it is for all mums.”

Debbie and Ben’s children know all about the little brother they never met.

Debbie says: “I probably have as many childhood stories about him as I do about them. But I don’t love Ben more than Luke and Lauren. Any mother will tell you that the love you have for your firstborn is unparalleled.

“But when you have other children you realise you love them just as much but in a different way.”

Debbie believes that the pain of losing a child never goes away ? you just learn to live with it.

She says: “Rather than feel sad every day about Ben I try to channel my grief into two days

his birthday and the anniversary of his death.

“I have kept a few things of Ben’s ? his little slippers and toy trumpet. And on those two days, I cry a lot and think about him.

“The hardest thing is the longing to hold him again. That will never leave me. But Benny, my husband, and Luke and Lauren are so supportive, I don’t hide my tears from them. We’re a family, we’re there for each other.”

Although Debbie admits losing a child is the greatest loss a woman can suffer she also says she is truly happy now, something she never thought possible.

Reflecting on the TV coverage of Ben’s plight, she says: “I simply wanted to save my son and I went on TV to do that.

“I suppose I was the first TV appeal mum and if that has made it easier for other mothers after me then that’s a good thing. But that was something I never considered ? the only thing that mattered was Ben.

“But if it hadn’t been me it would been another mother like Sara Payne. I would love to meet that woman, she is incredible.

“She carries herself with such dignity. I admire her so much.”

Debbie also has very fond memories of Esther Rantzen whose show brought Ben’s plight to the attention of the country.

She says: “Esther was a wonderful friend to us. She really cared, and helped us to make up our minds to have Ben treated here rather than in the States. And I don’t regret a thing, I know that Ben couldn’t have been treated better anywhere else.”

Debbie adds: “I cherish my life now. Sitting on the beach eating lunch with my husband watching the children play I know that Ben is pleased for me. I can feel him smiling.”



Tragic talk ... Esther, DEBBIE AND PHOTO OF BEN IN GTS PAGE!

THAT’S LIFE PRESENTER ESTHER RANTZEN n, 67, recalls the impact little Ben had on the programme.

She says: “At first I don’t think any of us realised just how gigantic Ben’s story was going to be.

“But Debbie ? who was little more than a child herself then ? was so eloquent and moving and Ben was so adorable that it was impossible not to want desperately to help save his life.

“I will never forget the footage of little Ben in the bath excitedly trying to catch bubbles. And I don’t think the 18 million viewers who watched it have either.

“Debbie is a remarkable woman, so utterly dedicated to her son. And she showed what could be done.

“It was a terribly, terribly sad day when I was told Ben had passed away. But Ben’s finest memorial is all of the children who are alive today thanks to him.

“Ben’s story was particularly poignant for me because my own son Joshua was near his age.

“Whenever we met with Debbie and Ben the two boys would play together.

“I think they were particularly lucky that a programme such as That’s Life could reach so many people. There isn’t really a programme around nowadays that could do that.

“Ben’s plight took over my life. Not until Childline has a story I’ve been involved with become so personal to me.

“Even when Ben received his transplant that wasn’t the end of the story for me ? I remained in contact with Ben and Debbie and we saw each other as often as we could.

“It was clear to me towards the end that Ben was ill but I had no idea just how ill.

“He was a little boy who made a big impact on the nation, seizing the hearts of every one of us.

“Thanks to him, parents who are in the depths of despair having lost their own child can take some comfort in knowing that by donating their child’s organs they can give life to another child. That is Ben’s legacy.

“I am still in touch and am thrilled that Debbie has gone on to become a mother again. I know she will be an incredible mother to her two children.”

DEBBIE’S story is featured on That Was Life, a look back at the show on BBC1 at 5.40pm on Sunday.
To donate to the Ben Hardwick Fund, which offers financial help and support to parents of children with liver disease,

write to Ben Hardwick Fund,
12 Nassau Road, London,
SW13 9QE,

phone 0208 741 8499.

thank you also very much
peter stewart(uk disco danceing champion-79/09